I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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