you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
