Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
