The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
