I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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