I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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