what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
