I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
