dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
