Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize