If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
