I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
