My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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