We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
