her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
