Got a toothbrush?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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