Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
