it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
