We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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