I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
