So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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