Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
