Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
