so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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