Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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