omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
