I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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