i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
