seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
