That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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