you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
