Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
