So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
