had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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