Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
