At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
