There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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