Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
