I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
