508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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