fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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