god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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