I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
