you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
