We're facebook friends in real life
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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