Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Houston, we have a squirter
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
