guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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