Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
