He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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