Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
