Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's rum buckets o'clock
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
