So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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