haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
