Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
