I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
