Where is the hickey?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
