Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
