Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
barbara walters just said penis...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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