What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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