I'm going to jail i love you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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