Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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