Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
