It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
