Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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