so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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