Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Someone came in the potted fern
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
