I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
