He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
