So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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