Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
