Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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