hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
