You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
