dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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