I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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