so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
