It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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