Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There r osticjed everywhere
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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